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This site is dedicated to the issue of Computer Hatred (CH). CH is not just another source of frustration in our lives but it's more of a fully grown obsession, not far from what we would call a chronic medical condition.
CH starts with some very basic symptoms shared by many ordinary people from all around the world who interact with computers. These initial symptoms include long-lasting irritation triggered by the inability of the computer to properly complete the task it was given, generalized discontent with the results of work at the computer, distrust towards commonly displayed messages, automatic updates anxiety, hard drive and cooler noise intolerance.
These symptoms are however present with most computer professionals and should not worry you, unless... see Diagnosis.
If you uninterruptedly experience at least 6 of the following 9 symptoms for a period of at least 6 months, you probably suffer from CH:
(1) You are forced to work with computers every day and thinking of it causes you nausea and anxiety.
(2) Computer errors enrage you to tears and make you snap.
(3) You often experience delusions of you wrecking computers, monitors, and printers using a bat.
(4) You have an immutable conviction that computer software plots against your well-being.
(5) You feel depressed while imagining what your life would have been without computers.
(6) You believe that every medical condition you suffer from is caused by
the computer, e.g. weak eye sight, rheumatic pains, etc.
(7) You cannot stand anything that used to fascinate you about computers in the past anymore.
(8) Computers and everything related to them seem to you like a drug to which you are addicted.
(9) You actively fight computers and anything related to them in various
ways, e.g. by creating a website in support of your cause.
Although self diagnosis of a condition is usually not recommended by medical practitioners, CH sufferers have to deal with an additional problem: doctors are immune to CH thanks to the fact that they always seem to be able to find some computer-skilled idiot who is willing to do all computer-related stuff for them. Hence, any complaint coming from a potential CH sufferer is regarded by doctors to be nothing else than a sing of impertinence coming from a member of some secret organization of the enslaved computer-skilled idiots.
Therefore, in the case of CH self diagnosis is encouraged. The only alternative is to be diagnosed by an “experienced” fellow CH-sufferer.
As you may have presumed, there exists no drug-based treatment for CH and this is not likely to change in the near future. Nevertheless, there exists an obvious cure to CH: stop using the damn thing! Unfortunately, this type of cure is only applicable to less than 5% of the affected patients because of complications related to computer addiction. In other words, these patients might bounce back and start using the computer again. Frequent bouncers are sometimes found to be affected by a mutation of the CH syndrome, called Computer-Love-Hatred (CLH). CLH is characterized by a bipolar attitude towards computers: in the presence of computers the CLH sufferer will present CH-specific symptoms whereas after eliminating computers from his/her life he/she feels an unholy longing for the buttoned beasts.
Given the difficulties implied by completely eliminating the computer from one's life, alternative treatments are sought. One of the most efficient types of non-radical treatment is the so called computer wrecking therapy (CWT): the CH patient makes use of a baseball-bat to wreck computer hardware. Most popular among CH patients is smashing old CRT monitors and printers. Some prefer to use old keyboards instead of a bat, thus doubling the destruction effect. CWT can be performed by one's self or within a group. In either case, the goal is to surmount the accumulated aggression towards computers in a splendid way. After a session of CWT CH patients reported to have felt a tremendous relief provided by both the physical act of wrecking computer hardware and the sight of smashed pieces of plastic and metal suggesting the total disaggregation of the object of hatred.
CWT is known to be effective in 85% of CH sufferers. Although this type of therapy has no known side effects, it may become addictive and overdosing can be dangerous.
Although CWT is an efficient treatment for CH, it is only a solution of compromise. In order to defeat CH, on must tackle the very roots of the condition which are anchored in the fact that many jobs nowadays make it impossible to bypass computers. Long lasting recovery from CH is only possible through a change of life style and profession. Spend more time outside and try to find a job that supposes open air physical activities.
For example, 86% of ex CH-patients have reported complete recovery after becoming gardeners or construction workers. However, unpublished studies show that there is only one job that will keep you away from computers for good which is... professor of computer science. This may come to you as a suprise but, as once mentioned by Unencyclopedia.org, there are many ways to outwit the computer and becoming a professor of computer science is the ultimate way. Professors of computer science are actually members of a secret society of the people who managed to scare the shit out of the buttoned beasts. They know how computers work - and even more than that - they know how to make other people think they know how computers work. This gives them immense power over both computer and man.
So remember, outwitting the buttoned beast is all that it takes to regain the control over your life!
